The Zen of Sarcasm

Don’t  be irreplaceable.  If  you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.

Always  remember that you’re unique. Just  like everyone else.

Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

Before  you criticize people, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.

If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is probably not for you.

If  you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a  wise investment.

If  you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.

Some  days you’re the bug; some days you’re the windshield.

A closed mouth gathers no foot.

Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your lips are moving.

Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.